Resuming musing (#1322)

Topics/tags: Meta-musings

I seem to recall starting the fall semester with this optimistic view that I’d be able to muse every few days, perhaps every other day. Unfortunately, things happened [1]. And I really haven’t had the time, energy, or mental capacity for sustained writing since then. If I calculate correctly, I wrote about eighteen musings this fall. I suppose that’s about one per week. Not quite every few days. But better than not at all.

Fast forward a few months.

I started the new year with an intention to start musing more frequently. It wasn’t a New Year’s resolution. It was just a feeling that I needed to write more. Nonethelss, I let almost two weeks pass before posting. Why? I was struggling a bit deciding what to write. I also didn’t want to be too maudlin, even though people seem to appreciate me sharing my sorrow. And, for the past week or so, the fires in California have made me wonder whether my own experiences are worth writing about in the context of larger events [3]. Upon reflection, they are. While losing your house is horrible, I’d rather lose my house than lose my wife. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve had an overwhelming sense of ennui, not really able to complete (or even make forward progress on) any tasks.

Then, yesterday, I sat down to do a different kind of writing. In particular, I started to write my application for summer MAP/299 funding [4]. The form’s not due until February 2, but I thought I should try to turn it in early.

I usually find that kind of writing straightforward. I’d already written a proposal for my sabbatical, and the sabbatical work forms the basis of the summer work. Most of the other material for the application is boilerplate. However, it’s been about four years since I applied for MAP/299 funding, and, more importantly, I haven’t been writing enough of late. So, rather than finding the proposal straightforward, I struggled.

I quickly realized that writing is one of those skills that I need to practice regularly. One way to practice is to write assignments, narrative material for my students, and MAP/299 proposals. However, in the past, I’ve found that the more free-form writing I do when musing [5] supports those other kinds of writing. In an ideal world, musing improves my writing efficiency, so musing plus regular writing takes about the same time as regular writing. More importantly, adding musing to my regular writing brings more joy to my life [6]. And, even though musings about Michelle make me cry, those tears are necessary.

Hence, I’m going to try to muse daily, at least until the start of the semester [7]. After that? We’ll see how much time my other work takes.

Postscript: Did you realize that resuming has muser in it, just backward?

[1] For those who don’t know, my wife, Michelle, entered the hospital on August 29, 2024 [2]. and passed away on October 8, 2024.

[2] Our 37th anniversary.

[3] There are so many. California. Gaza. Greenland. What will happen with our own government? The list goes on and on.

[4] MAPs or Mentored Advanced Projects are summer research projects with rising third-year and senior students. 299’s (offically Guided Research, sometimes Mentored Introductory Projects) are summer research projects with rising second-year students.

[5] And ranting.

[6] At least it used to.

[7] About one week away.

Version 1.0 of 2025-01-12 .