Grinnell Plans

Forthcoming.

From Justin Rose

The Lost Gospel according to Jack (the Druid):

Chapter 1 [1] In the beginning there was VAX. And VAX brought man out of the darkness of time, to place him in dimly-lit structures, pecking away on keyboards, staring at monochromatic screens. [2] And the VAXgods, in their infinite wisdom, created Dreams. And the greater part of the multitude were satisfied. But other users were unhappy, and a great cry went up in the lands, We wish to express ourselves! And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. [3] So VAXgods discovered the Plans function hidden within the labyrinth that was VAX, and the people rejoiced! No longer must we simply pour out emotions in the dining halls! We have an outlet for all time! And the whole of the people were satisfied. [4] But a time came when the people turned their backs on VAX, and began worshipping the false idol, Gates. And many bowed to the Golden Windows logo, neglecting the VAX in their blasphemous rituals. [5] And the VAXgods were angered, and they dashed the VAX upon the side of Mt. Darby, crying You fools! You know not what you do! And the VAX’s final words were, Love her…as I loved her. And the great multitude puzzled over these words, for they knew not what they meant. But then there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the lands, for the people knew not what had befallen them.

Chapter 2 [1] A great darkness settled over the land, with the followers of Gates harrassing those followers of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Great suffering was seen throughout the world, with no way for people to express themselves. Some resorted to knitting. [2] At this time, a great plague of webmail descended upon the earth, and there was even more wailing and gnashing of teeth than ever before. And the people cried out, Oh mighty GCCS, err…ITS, What have we done to deserve this? But GCCS was silent, and no answers came forth from the darkened doorway in Mt. Darby. [3] But soon after, a prophet arrived from the land of MathLAN, and her name was [heckr]! And she said, Let there be Plans once more in the land! Thus she spake, and lo! after 6 days and 6 nights of hard coding, Plans were brought forth into the Garden of Grinnell to multiply. [4] And on the seventh day [heckr] rested, and answered hundreds of e-mails from Grinnellians, all telling her exactly what she knew already. And on the eighth day, she fixed the code, and it was good. [5] There were those who spoke false words against the prophet, but these fell on deaf ears. For the people knew that [heckr] was a true prophet of the Internet, and that she spoke not falsely. [6] And thoughout the world the people did rejoice, with great celebrations throughout the land. And neighbor introduced neighbor, and strangers from far off lands greeted one another. And the world was better off than before.