How are you, Sam?
Each day, people ask me How are you?
It’s a fairly normal greeting. I
ask others the same questions. These days, I have a few answers I give,
depending on my mood [1].
On some days, I say I’m great!
While that’s generally not true, I
do believe in positive psychology, so I expect that by saying it regularly,
I make myself and those around me feel better. When I say I’m great!
,
I sometimes add some reasons: I’m fortunate to have a wonderful wife,
great children, students I enjoy teaching, and a meaningful job that
pays me well. I get to make a difference in people’s lives. I get to
play with ideas. What could be better?
In recent days, some people have chastised me for that response, at least
the short version [2]. Why? They suggest that it is inappropriate to be
great in today’s world. They may be right. So I’ve been saying I’m
great
less these days.
On some days, I say You don’t want to know.
Most people accept that
statement at face value [3]. Some push a bit. In most cases, I then
get to say Well, I can’t really tell you, either.
Why is that? Well,
days in which I’m really upset or frustrated usually involve confidential
issues at work. Perhaps I should work on my response. Perhaps I should
say I’m in a bad mood, but I can’t discuss why. I hope you are doing
better than I.
I’ll think about that.
On some days, I say Old, fat, tired, and grumpy. Normal.
All five
are true. A few people say, I don’t think of you as fat.
I wonder
what they think of me, then, because I’m clinically obese. Some say
You’re not old.
To them, I respond You’re only as old as you feel,
and I feel old.
No one says I don’t think of you as tired.
Why?
Most people can tell that I’m tired most of the time. A few say You’re
not grumpy. You’re cheerful!
Either (a) they don’t read my essays or
(b) they don’t pay attention or (c) both.
An amazing number laugh when I say Old, fat, tired, and grumpy.
I’m
never quite sure why. Maybe they are just cruel. But that’s probably not
the real issue. Today, one of my colleagues said, I laughed because it’s
unexpected; most people aren’t honest when you ask them how they are.
I suppose that’s a more likely reason [4].
These days, I’m working on variations. I feel older some days, tireder [5]
some days, and grumpier some days [6]. So sometimes I rearrange the order.
Sometimes I try synonyms, or at least similar words, such as exhausted
instead of tired
or obese
instead of fat
[7]. But Old, fat, tired, and
grumpy
feels right. Normal
as a follow-up comment feels even better.
But, you know what, other than making people laugh and being true,
old, fat, tired, and grumpy
is probably not the best thing to say.
I think I’ll just go back to saying Great
and working to make it true.
p.s. In case you couldn’t tell, tonight I was tired enough that I was not up to writing an extended essays. But that’s okay, I’m great.
p.p.s. The Hemingway Editor says that this essay is readable by a third grader. If you have one of those, please don’t share it with them.
p.p.p.s. Here’s my new idea: I’m going to have this essay printed really small on business cards. When people ask me how I am, I’ll just hand them this essay [8].
[1] Or my muse.
[2] Upon reflection, people have chastised me for saying the long version, too.
[3] Or perhaps they ignore it; people generally don’t pay that much attention
to what you say when the ask How are you?
[4] Is it really unexpected that I say old, fat, tired, and grumpy
? I
say it a lot. It’s my normal state.
[5] Okay, it’s more tired
.
[6] My weight is pretty constant, so I don’t feel fatter. Maybe sometime soon I’ll feel thinner.
[7] I’ve never said Appropriately angry
instead of grumpy. Maybe I should.
[8] Yes, I realize that I am now rambling. I did say that I’m tired.
Version 1.0 of 2017-03-06.