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A Short Guide 11) Hiiollhiking

By Tom Thomas

This treatise is intended to
help those spirited souls ivho
for love of adventure or lack
of cash set out to cross the un-
known by thumb. Developed
through experience, my own
ond Others, at least one of
these hints may help to speed
you on your way.

Planning The Trip — Unless
you are extremely tamiliar
with the area you will be trav-
elling, pick up a map. You
may not wind up going exactly
the way you planned. Try to
stay on heavily travelled
routes. The best way to get
stranded is to be let nut on a
county road. Stay away trom
tollways and turnpikes. Lots or
hassles irom cops there. Avoid
going through cities unless you
plan to stay in one. Once you
are into a city it is oiten very
diiiicult to get out. Plan to av-
erage between 30-54) mph tor
any distance over four hours
normal driving distance.

Preparations — Take the
phone numbers of as many
people as possible who live be
tween your origin and destina-
tion. Take some addresses, tool
Make sure you have enough
cash. Twenty dollars is a good

amount. Have it in small bills
and keep it in several tliiierent
places, i.e. pockets, shoe, wal-
let. Also take a couple oi dimes
in case you have to make a
phone call. it you get hungry,
raisins or small boxes or sug-
ared cereal are good. Hershey
bars melt. cheese and imit
don't hold up, and candy makes
you thirsty. Have a good LD.
Take a plastic laundry bag to
use for a raincoat.

The Sign — it you are going
a long distance, a sign otten
helps. Don't be iancy. Beautiful
works of art are sometimes
hard to read at 70 mph. Pick
identifiable 1) la c e s. Grinnell
won’t mean much to someone
in Bloomington, lndiana. Signs
help give that sincere look.
Very lew muggers carry signs.

Dress — Look wholesome. Not
very many people will pick up
hippies. if you have long hair,
get a stocking cap. Boots are
good (under your pants). If it’s
cold, make sure you dress
warm enough. You can always
take something on. Layers or
clothes are better in cold
weather than a single heavy
garment. Wear bright clothes
so people can see you.

Drugs — it is not a good
idea to carry drugs when you

 

Mineral Pa’rier' Abbey Road

By L. Angelo Mysterioso

The Beatles controversy con-
tinues to rage, but their music
seems to suffer not at all.
Rumors on campus persist that
a secret island or part or an
island exists; to there, devout
groupies (of any sex) with sui-
ficient information about the
"mystery," are whisked.

The Beatles' new album,
Abbey Road is allegedly named
for a London street also called
Abbey Lane. Since Abbey Lane
is the exrwfle of Cuban band-
leader xavier Cugat, this has
been seen as a relerence to
Cuba. It is also pointed Out
that (luring midrlflfifl Fidel Cas~
tro's speeches began to show
what many hard-core users be-
lieve to be the influence of
LSD. This was the same time
that the Beatles were getting
into acid, and coincidentally,
shortly after the death oi nov-
elist - iolksinger - Cuban revolu-
tionary - acid freak Richard
Farina. it has been reported
that Farina’s body was never
positively identitied.

Sn . . . Beatles freaks reason
that these facts (plus the rash
of airline hijackings by apo-
litical freaks. from which
nights certain passengers dis»
appeared and vanished without
a trace. their names stricken
from company lists) point to
Cuba as the new Atlantis, a re-
orlsen “Ostopils’s Garden," a
pleasure garden presided over
by Gurus Dick, Fidel, John,
Paul, George and Ringo, invit-

ing us to “come together, right
now, over me.”

But, I don’t believe any of
that shit. In this tight new rec-
ord composed 01 16 brief
tracks, Paul (even if his shoes
are off on the jacket) and the
others are very much alive and
making beautiful music. As al-
ways, the Beatles provide us
with the main event of the
musical season. it goes without
saying that George Martin
(who some say doesn't exist)
has done a fine job of moms
trating and arranging, the
lyrics are great, etc. . . . And
the music gets better, it pos-
sible a Ringo is starting to
learn how to play the drums,
and George's guitar is getting
better all the time - two cuts
with the broken Chnrcl technique
of the type used on “Badge”
stand out _ “You Never Give
Me Your Money” and “Carry
That Weight."

And the Beatles are Germin—
ly trying to tell us something.
They're still preaching, but it’s
all right because along with all
the fantastic music they have
something to say to everyone
of us; be it the reminder that
“once there was a way to get
back homeward" — but now
it's too late, and we'll have I!)
“carry that weight for a long
time” — we just can’t get back
any more; or the ultimate
Iruth:

“And in the end the love you
take
ls equal to the love you make."

hitch. That's the first thing a
cop looks ior. it you must,
don't keep them on you while
you are smnding by the road.
Find an innocent looking can
~ sardine cans work well —
and place your stash. Set it
next to you while getting a
ride. Pick it up when you get
in a car (unobtrusively, or
course). it a cop asks, you've
never seen the can before.

where To Stand — oti the
pavement. You can get busted
in most states it you have one
toe on the road. Shoulders are
generally sate. When hitching
on interstates, stand down on
the ramp, not up on the high
way. (Unless no cars are com»
ing up the ramp.) Few cars
going 75 will stop. It's also il-
legal to be on the interstate.
Flnd a place where a car can
pull over to stop If you are
standing in tront of a bridge,
you aren't going to get a ride.
Standing near lights or stop
signs is another good trick. You
can give stopping cars the
pleading look much more effec~
tively.

[1' A Cup Stops You — You
are a student. Whip out your
ID. Be cool. You are going
home to see your mother, or
your dying aunt.

At Night — Wear light col~
ored clothes. If you have a
sign, pick up a couple or his
sign, pick up a couple of bicycle
reflectors (15 cents) and put
street lights, hotel signs, etc.
You've got In look really whole-
some. lt you don’t have light
Colored clothes, tie a handker-
chiet around your arm.

The Undesirable Driver — if
you decide the guy that picket!
you up isn’t where it’s at, get
out! Whip out your road map
and peering at it intently, tell
him you get off at the next
crossroad. it you already told
him where you are going, tell
him you are stopping to see a
triend. it he wants your mon-
ey, give him the three dollars
in your Wallet and tell him
that’s all you have besides the
dimes in your pocket and it he
needs it, he Can have it and
no hard teeliiigs. Don’t get
tense and maybe he'll stay ree
laxed. Just get out as soon as
possible.

Where To Get Out — Get out
where you can get another ride.
It’s olten better to get out at
a turnroll to a big city than at
Pndunk two miles down the
road. it a driver is going to No-
where, always get out at the
last Somewhere betore you get
there. Don't get stranded. Al-
ways ask the driver where he’s
going beiore you get in the car.
Short rides are generally a
waste unless you think it will
get you to a better place to
hitch from.

The most important thing to
successful hitching is to think
before you go. Good travelling.

 

The Love Feast

By J. Bainbl’idge Shook

Ahl Trixl, as thou art now before me stretched
Into my mind flaw thoughts not too far fetched

For like a banquet table outlayer]
To thine lover thou appearest, fair maid.

I know not where to start on this feast of mine
The fare's so large, and I alone am to dine.

Which ol your juices should hrst touch my lip?
into which treat should i let my hand first dip?

Were l a child, your hair spun sugar would be
But now 'tlS more like spaghetti to me.

For sauce, thine natural unction serves well _
Far better than the tomato in smell,

Nor at this point do you fail me to please
Your dandroit will do in place or grated cheese.

nors d'oeuvres by your tace are supplied
To be munched when cocktails are embibed.

To me, your blemished forehead is bluecheese
Resting on eyebrow-like crackers with ease

Your eyes: Two oysters on the halishell,
Garnished by their own translucent gell.

in your nose I see a taurty baker’s skill,
For as an eclair it can’t retain its till.

On most women your mustache would be but skuz,
But on you it closely resembles peach luzz.
Your oral district does me amaze

For your vermillion lips with their red blaze

Do me remind oi pomegranate skin.

Kissing you is to this iruit akin;

Your tongue the pulp; your teeth the pits
The juice? — The blood irom all your zits.

Thy breasts by their yellow aspect
Resemble grapeiruits, in eilect —

Each garnished on its penult
With a shiny marischino.

Your stomach, to me at least, does seem

A limpid pool or dairy cream —

Your bellybuttnn a transient artichoke
Floating aimlessly, as though life were a joke.

Next, to thine chalice do my lips creep
To sip the nectar which there does seep.

With this sweet liqueur 1 end my feast
Sated, tull; my hungei-s surceased.

My banquet done. i make to go
But as I leave. . . What? a check? on nol

$25.00

THE GRINNELL LOCKERROOM

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