By MARY MALCOLM

Foreword: I interviewed seven Grin-
nell students about their experiences
with abortions. Six were girls who have
had abortions. One was a boy whose
girlfriend, not at Grimell, had an abor-
tion. The emphasis on the girls is un-
doubtedly misplaced. The decision not
to interview the boys involved in six
or the cases was purely tactical —
1 already had more material tor the
story than I could possibly use.

I did this article for two reasons.
One is to remind Grinnell students
that abortion laws exist and transform
a rather minor operation into a ma-
jor crisis in two people‘s lives. Per-
haps this article can contribute to a
general awareness of the need to re-
peal these unjust and inhumane laws.
My other reason for writing the article
Is to help to create an atmosphere at
Grinnell where human sexuality and
the dilemmas surrounding it cease to
be shrouded in secrecy and shame, but
can be openly raced and discussed.
The unwanted pregnancy is perhaps
the most secretive or all aspects or
sexuality, but this secrecy only re-
Ilects our more general taboos and
fears concealing sexual behavior.
The stories I will tell are in the words
of the people involved. I have edited
and rearranged extravagantly, and
offer my apologies for any misrepre<
sentatinns of teelings or experiences.
Names are not mentioned. While some
of the individuals involved share my
opinion that secrecy about abortion is
damaging both to the person involved
and to others who ought to be exposed

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Girl A: “I was in a state of shock and
disbeliet. The whole way it was arranged
was super-underground, in the Al Capone
sense of the word. We met the Contact
at a motel parking lot. My boylriend
couldn’t go with me. This little greasy
man took me to another motel where the
doctor was. When I walked in he said,
"Well, you're my fourth tonight." He
wasn’t a very protessional-looking per-
son. I couldn’t tell it they sterilized the
the things they used, They had a big
plastic sheet on the bed and he per-
formed it on the bed. He tried to calm
me and I had tranquilizers. The greasy
little man tumed out to be kind of nice.
He talked with me and joked with me the
whole time. Ijust had a local anesthetio
~novocaine in the vagina. The first ten
minutes were okay. I was fairly re-
laxed. The little man kept talking to me
and joking about girls irom lowa. He
was saying I must be one of those tough,
corn—led girls. And he was saying he’d
had a couple or other girls from Grin-
nell come to him.

“The last live minutes when he was
scraping out the uterus were extremely
painful. I thought I was going to die. I
had to give him the money ahead of
time, which was sort oi frightening. He
tinished the abortion and they were still
joking around, trying to get me to relax
because I was very nervous by then and
hard to work on. Then he said ‘Well.
I'd just like to tell you that you're not
pregnant anymore.’ And then they said.
‘Weli, when are we going to see you
here again?’ And I wasn't teeiing very
goodrhumored and just said, 'Well, I
don’t know.’ He said ‘What do you mean?
We’re never going to see you ngainl' "

If Anything Happened. . .

r was just horrilied at the idea ol going
through that again. And then the greasy
little man took me back to the motel
parking lot to meet my boytriend. 1 just
had the physical thing to go through
because I was in a state of disbelief. I!
was much worse for him. He had to
wait and think about things like telling
my parents it anything happened.n

Boy: "I could never get a very clear,

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notion of what the operation entailed
and how serious it was. There was tear
in general about her, about her health
and mental state, and how it would at:
rect us. i telt badly in a way, the whole
thing was more a trial on her than it
was on me. I didn’t seem to be quite as
directly involved in the whole thing. Al-
though I was, I didn't seem to be. She
was the one who was having the baby,
having the operation. All I could do was
just be with her."

Girl B: “It caused some crisis in our
relationship at the time because at the
tension. But after the abortion it was
just heaven — it was the high point or
the relationship. In fact, during the
abortion: as much as I could think, the
fact that he was there, holding my head
and hand. We weathered so very, very
well this major crisis in our relationship.
It can’t help but bring people closer to
gether.”

Girl C: “If it weren’t for the money
Ind my having to conceal it irom my
talks I’m kind of grateful for the exper-
ience because I’ve learned how much I
can really trust members or my iamily
and some of my friends. I think my rc-
lationshlp with my boyiriend has gotten
better. It’s made me a much more lea<
tenable person just because I really real-
ize more about what intercourse means.
It’s not mythical or anything anymore."

Girl D: “It brought us closer together.
'All of a sudden we were considering
practical things that we had never had
to consider at Grinnell. If anything our
relationship is stronger and better now.
Now there’s not anything we can’t talk
about. i think even it people aren't hav-
ing intercourse or are using contra-
ceptives, they should tall-r about abortion.
It's something people don't talk abou .
’Ihat’s unfortunate. I've never talked to
my parents at all, about anything. I
think if I had, I probably would have
been able to talk to them about the
abortion. But it made me feel so much
more responsible to have handled some-
thing that could have been a crisis by
mysell, without their help. It made me
feel proud, like I knew my own mind. I
haven't lelt better emotionally for a long
time. I was going out of my mind before
it happened: conflicts with parents, reel-
lng so secretive, unable to study."

Had To Put On Facade

Girl E: “I was obsessed with being
pregnant. 1 had to get an abortion to live
through the whole thing. Belore that I
was an innocent little chick, after that I
became very crass and hard. Only re-

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cently have I begun to talk about It. i
still have a few guilt pangs, not: obou
killing the baby but what it could havd
done to me. I was very healthy at tho
time, and that probably had some;
thing to do with my being alright atten-
wards. I was so relieved afterwards .—
I tell like a huge burden had been llhedt
i wouldn't say anything, had to put on a
tacade before parents and blends,
couldn’t communicate With my boyfriend
I was really shook up about it. I knew i
was doing the wmng thing. I should have
gone to mother. But I couldn't. it would
have hurt her because I hadn't gone 3
her before, for birth control. She would
have blamed herself. For a while )
blamed her, but now I’m getting mori
perspective. It astonished my boyfriend
that it would happen to me (notel E'I
boyiriend was not the rather. The preg.
nancy occurred during a summer od
separation). Later he said “Ray, we’ve
really been through a lot but we've come
through it. I think we can make
through the rest of life,”

(Note: E’s abortion was performed by
an unlicensed immigrant doctor with no
anesthetic whatsoever, in a friend's a-
partment. He washed the instruments
with soap and hot water, but did nOI
sterilize them. Her abortion, at $250,
was one or the more dangerous and
certainly the most painful and frighten
ing of those I heard described.)

“It's really scary. It’s really irightens
ing because of all the things you asso-
ciate with abortion — back rooms, and
it’s dark. All the movies. It’s a ten-la
bly trightening, ugly thing to think about.
It's just so crazy, when you think that in
Russia it you’re pregnant and you don _
want a baby you just go to a hospital and
in 48 hours you get an abortion -— it's
just accepted. I don’t think it lessened
my belief in God or my ability to love at
all, I think it enhanced it. I never talked
the abortion over before. i decided the
only way was to iorget about it, I’ve
never really told anybody lrom begin.
ning to end. I think it's good to talk
about it. My story is pretty scary. It
goes to show that abortion laws should
be changed. I’d hate anybody to go
through what 1 went through."

It’s Out Of Your Life

Girl F: “When I got back I realized the,
abortion had taken up so much or my
time and energy that there was just a
void. You suddenly realize that you've
got to stop thinking about it now. It's
out of your liie. Often I look back at I!
now and I can’t believe it happened and
then l realize it tlid happen.”

Girl E: “i think the general campus
feeling on abortion was one of secrecy.
I didn't share that leeling. If others
asked my advice, I’d give them my
experience, lavorabie as it was, but
not encouragement It's up to the illdiVld—
nnl. The only thing I can do is accept my

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